In a last-ditch effort to salvage his ill-conceived Middle East policy, Bush announced in this evening's State of the Union address that he will deploy 20,000 brand-new iPhones to Iraq.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs responded, "We believe the iPhone will help bridge the Sunni-Shia divide. This tool will allow them to Bluetooth messages of peace and shared brotherhood when fighting in the streets. And they'll be pleased with the low price point of 49.99 dinars."

The crazy commie liberals have gotten it into their Satan loving little minds that our leader, the infallible George "I talk to God" Bush, should be impeached. They are even putting together something called a "meetup" to conspire against Bush, and against America.

Here is why the libtards are wrong, and why I love George Bush:

10. No mushroom clouds have been seen... not yet, at least.
9. Iraq is becoming a religious state, just like America should be!
8. We are prouder to be Americans because at least we think we're free
7. We get to to fight the terrorists over there, which creates more terrorists, which we will then fight again... over there
6. We didn't exchange blood for oil, we exchanged it for basically nothing
5. We avenged the death of 2,792 Americans by killing another 2,928
4. Iran now wants to help us
3. WMDs were found... in North Korea
2. Being in the National Guard became very exciting
1. Saddam got a shave

Bush pledges to act in "timely fashion" to the report. Hopefully in a more timely fashion than the execution of the war itself.

Mmmm... delicious pork.

Nothing like democracy in action... Bush style.

"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it."

--George Bush

I hope Bush never praises me.

The rational response being: That motherf!&%&in#* go$%&*%$@#md stupid dumb%$#@! evil bast@^^&d .......... AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

Supposedly 44 percent of adults have had one-night stands. That's greater than the percentage of people who support George Bush! That must mean something, though I am not sure what.

Let the gridlock begin!

He may be asking for advice, but will he listen?

Then why the hell did we vote for Bush?

Don't forget Cheney.

If only we could remove our wrong-way president.

I agree completely. We must beat the Republican extremists.

Bush, in a signing statement, noted that "we gotta get rid of that constitution thingy... cuz if we don't... the turrists will have won... heh heh..."

No, not that MILF.