In a last-ditch effort to salvage his ill-conceived Middle East policy, Bush announced in this evening's State of the Union address that he will deploy 20,000 brand-new iPhones to Iraq.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs responded, "We believe the iPhone will help bridge the Sunni-Shia divide. This tool will allow them to Bluetooth messages of peace and shared brotherhood when fighting in the streets. And they'll be pleased with the low price point of 49.99 dinars."

I agree completely. We must beat the Republican extremists.

You decide:

Easy for you to say, jackass.

...and I plan to be a billionaire.

At least Saddam is dead, right?

Hah, hah, chortle, chortle, Iraq is so funny!

The wingers think it's a map of where to find flowers and candy:

Though it's still too complicated for George Bush.

Says Condi: "You can't be involved in something as big as the liberation of a country like Iraq, and all that has happened since, and I'm sure there are things that we could have done differently." Yeah, a few things.

About time.

... though they neglect to reveal what the "new approach" is.

One problem: There are no more troops.

After attending a Los Angeles house party former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was seen without panties... No, wait, that's another story. Sorry for that image... shiver.

All part of Bush's plan to send new body armor to the troops.

Sweet Jesus get him out of that country! Hasn't he done enough already?

...and is spotted with Prison Break star Lane Garrison carousing about with underage teenage girls.