Britney and Paris... this can't end well.

As if one night in Paris wasn't enough, you can now take an extended tour.

The sex-crazed heiress is burning up the Web again - thanks to a couple of porn purveyors who posted a treasure trove of her most embarrassing personal items - including sleazy sex tapes, topless photos, love letters, medical records and even hundreds of celebrity cellphone numbers.

Seriously, forget her. AP News did -- for a whole week.

Make it stop!

Paris Hilton has been teaching her well...

According to Lindsay, Paris hit her at a party hosted by a mutual friend. Apparently, Britney Spears was also at the party. Isn't there a critical mass of crazy that shouldn't be crossed?

Help! Paris Hilton is taking over my blog (and really, no one wants to see me sans underwear.) Make it stop!

And which peers might those be?

Paris Hilton, in her defense of Britney Spears' parenting skills, has been credited with coining the phrase "partying ethics." While it is not entirely clear what Ms. Hilton meant by the phrase, she has nevertheless been tapped by Pepperdine University of Malibu to teach a class on the tenets, principles, and ethics surrounding partying and desultory carousing.

In September 2006, Hilton was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of alcohol with a blood alcohol content of 0.08%, the level at which it is illegal to drive in California. Hilton's driving license was subsequently suspended in November 2006,and in January 2007 she pleaded no contest to the alcohol-related reckless driving charge.

In September 2006, Hilton was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of alcohol with a blood alcohol content of 0.08%, the level at which it is illegal to drive in California. Hilton's driving license was subsequently suspended in November 2006,and in January 2007 she pleaded no contest to the alcohol-related reckless driving charge.

Paris Hilton teaches Britney some moves on her own private poll. Be thankful there are no photos.

At least that's what a reasonable person might think when hearing her rep's explanation for why a white substance was seen in her nose.

Paris Hilton beat out Willie Nelson, Mel Gibson and Vice President Dick Cheney, claiming the Big Outlaw prize at the VH1 Big in '06 Awards. Way to go Paris!

Looking strangely like a reject from a mime troop for sluts. Hey, stop your tisk-tisking; that's what she looks like! Check out the photo.

The hotel heiress apparently thinks that carrying her Chihuahua around is good preparation for motherhood. Yes Paris, taking care of toy dogs is exactly like taking care of children. Exactly.

No, not Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton. You know, the guy who doodles on paparazzi photos and calls it satire? Of course, I am not exactly the person who should be commenting on lame satire.

As they say, you should always trust the opinion of a bikini waxer.